Thursday, August 14, 2014

Depression is REAL.


For those having negative things to say about Robin Williams' recent passing away...and his so called 'choice' to commit suicide - - I say to you - - 

Depression is REAL.
VERY real.

And unless you YOURSELF have experienced it 
{or someone VERY close to you has experienced it} - 
there really is no reason to judge and point the finger as to the one who SHOULD or SHOULD NOT be blamed.

I am not okay with that.

Many of my closest family and friends know that I struggled with a SEVERE bout of Postpartum Depression after having each one of my children.

When I SHOULD'VE been rejoicing in the fact that I had JUST had a beautiful and healthy child - - I was instead, crying my eyes out, sick to my stomach and wanting to crawl inside of a hole where no one could find me - even those closest to me.  It just did not make sense. And sometimes, depression just DOESN'T make sense.


Just minutes after this family picture was taken, 
{London, just a week old}, I found myself driving home with Joe and the kids in tow, silently thinking to myself .... "I don't want to go home.  I don't want to take care of my family.  I just don't want to go on doing anything."

It. sucked.

I had a VERY helpful and adoring husband.
Adorable kids.
A mom and and dad and siblings nearby to help.

And I STILL...could not pull myself together.


I'm normally a pretty happy go lucky type of girl.
I'm outgoing and I like to have fun.
I consider myself pretty friendly.

And as I was going through this experience
 {mind you....I went through it with ALL 3 of my kids}...

I wanted to see NO ONE
I wanted to talk to NO ONE
and I wanted absolutley NO ONE coming over to visit me 
and my new beautiful baby.


Luckily, my very supportive parents and husband encouraged me to seek medical attention and get on the medicine that I so DESPERATELY needed to regulate my hormones and get my system back on track.

I am forever grateful for good medication.

And a loving family.

And a loving Heavenly Father, who led me to the help I so badly needed. He answered my prayers.

Once I was 'back to my normal self' I remember thinking - - I will never, EVER judge another person battling with depression.

Because you JUST DON'T KNOW what is going on with them.  And most of the time, THEY don't know what is going on with themselves, either. 

It's a sad disease.

One that I am GLAD to say 
that I have happily recovered from.

Sure, I still have 'bouts' that arise here and there.
But NOTHING like I once {x3 times} experienced.

It. Sucked.
And I wouldn't wish it upon ANYONE in the entire world.
One of my very favorite church leaders spoke about this VERY topic recently 
and it warmed my heart to hear his words of hope.


Elder Jeffrey R. Holland


  1. i'm.sat bawling!!!!
    thank you.for sharing that personal experience. my sweet sister in law.suffers terribly and i've heard so many people say " what does she have to b depressed about, shes 100lbs, stunningly beautiful, that's good enough"...i want to smack them.... then there is,my own precious daughter ( now i'm really bawling).. Who suffers from OCD, sensory disorder, and extreme anxiety, and has been on medication for a long time, she's 10 :-('s.not something you choose, it's not a get over it deal, it's real, Its heart breaking.xxxxx

    1. I love your comment Heidi. Thank you!!! Some people JUST DON'T GET it! Which is sad. Sending cyber hugs your way to you and your sweet little one. xoxo

  2. Perfectly written. I have and will battle depression my entire life. Although my journey sometimes seems difficult, I know others who go through such darkness they cannot see the's not that they don't want to, it's that they can't. When others judge suicide, it makes me wonder how they can be so cruel to those who have suffered so deeply.

    1. Absolutely Michele. I couldn't agree more! xoxo

  3. 100% agreed. After i had our 3 rd last august i too had post partum, but didnt even know until i took fnley to one of his month check ups. Thankfully that doctor saw signs i Didnt even realize i had until she brought them to my attention, and then all the puzzle pieces fell into place. It explained so much of my thoughts and feelings i was experiencing. It was scary. I have since been able to get off the meds, but still have 'bouts' too and it terrifies me to go back to that dark place and to feel llike i cant control my emotions. That talk brought so much comfort and hope during that time. I am so grateful for apostles who are so intune to the spirit and revelations from the Lord to provide spiritual strengthen to all who need it.

  4. Thank you for sharing your story too. Hugs to my cyber friend!!!

    1. You are VERY welcome Julaine! It's always comforting to hear other people's experiences to know that you're not the 'only' one who is going thru or who has gone thru it. Hugs! xoxo

  5. Thank you for sharing this. I struggle with depression and I hope everyone can become more educated from his death (unfortunately). And I LOVED that talk from Elder Holland. One of my favs!

    1. You are very welcome Ashley! Sending hugs your way. xoxo

  6. Oh Marci! Thank you for sharing your story. I think this is a topic that is largely ignored but MUST be shared, especially with new moms. Prior to having my son, I used talk therapy for my depression, opting not to use the medication route. However, after the birth of my son, I had symptoms almost exactly as you did. My mother, who also suffers from depression, saw the signs and demanded I call my OB. He immediately suggested medication. I gladly took it. I remained on it for quite a while (through my regular doctor), until we started trying for #2. I've had a few pretty bad times since I've been off the medication. I'm hoping that after #2 arrives, things will not be as bad as it was with #1, but at least now, I know the symptoms and can be prepared to get help.

    Thank you for sharing your story. I make a point to share my story with all my pregnant friends, not as a scare tactic, but a point of support to let people know... "they are not alone."

    1. Thanks Ginny! I LOVE hearing other people's stories. Are you pregnant? I had no idea!! Congrats! With London, I actually STAYED on a low dose of my meds - {My doctor told me prozac is totally safe with pregnancy!} and then as soon as I had her - I up-ed it for a bit to sort of stabalize myself. I'm even STILL on a low dose now to regulate my hormones. The feelings of depression and anxiety are completely indescribable really to people who have not ever experienced it themselves. So it's good to be able to 'chat' with someone who's been through it. Best of luck my dear friend! xoxo

  7. I would like add some lines as Saint Francis de Sales says,"Have patience with all things,but chiefly have patience with yourself.Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections but instantly set about remedying them --every day begin the task anew."Best wishes.

    --) Jessica Glenn.


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